I have been driving the OH quite mad of late. (Possibly for much longer than that!)
I have put on quite a bit of weight… well, in my opinion, quite a lot!
I had some very serious depression and anxiety issues this year, along with some health concerns I have blogged about previously, all of which resulted in a little bit too much comfort eating and drinking. And an expanding waistline…
I have been moaning about how fat I am, how awful I look and feel and it is really getting on his nerves. He is worn out telling me to stop saying these things, telling me I am ‘gorgeous’ and ‘beautiful’; alternating between almost endless patience and occasional, (and understandable), irritation at my self-hating repetition.
I asked him had he not noticed my new shape and he agreed he had and that it really doesn’t matter: “When you were slimmer I found you sexy, when you were or are bigger I find you sexy. You have a real problem seeing yourself the way you really are.”
I thought about this over, and over.
For me, this is impossible to accept. It is no failing on his part, it is all on me. I simply cannot see what he says he sees. I simply cannot accept that he finds me attractive or desirable. I think I am repulsive.
Eventually, I asked him, “So, what you are saying is – you love and accept me just as I am, no matter how I look or how much I change. Is that it?”
He looked at me, slightly exasperated and said, “That is exactly it.”
Now my challenge is to believe it.
*Very Annoying Person Syndrome – an affliction I torture myself and others with.
Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com
All rights reserved