TMI Tuesday: October 24, 2017

1. How much time do you spend taking care of your significant other:

I confess I am quite the 1950’s housewife!

I think I would have to say over 50%. I stay at home and do all the household chores, the cooking and cleaning etc. while he brings in the cash. I make him a cup of tea every morning as he showers, I wash and iron his clothes, I do the shopping, I buy his clothes, I make him a lunch to bring to work every day and he always comes home to a cooked meal. I rub his shoulders and run him a bath. I talk to him about his day and help him offload the stress of work and offer my advice on various things that are bothering him.

I love taking care of him.

And before you think I am a saint, (or a doormat), I must make it clear that he takes amazing care of me in return. We are a team!

2. How do you sleep at night?
With great difficulty! He snores… LOUDLY, so if I have any hope of sleep I need to drop off before he comes to bed and I have to wear earplugs, but usually they are very ineffective against the thunderous noise next to me.

3. What happens when you or your significant other gets home from work?
I always stop what I am doing and greet him, I can’t imagine it being any other way. The dogs usually beat me to it though, so oftentimes I get my kiss after they get theirs! Then we talk about our day, eat and relax.

4. How many things about yourself would you change? Share 3 things and tell us why.

Only 3????? Where do I begin…

Bonus: How many things would you change about a current significant other.

I really wish I could take away the stress of his job, otherwise I am happy with him as he is… well, maybe the snoring…

Happy TMI Tuesday!

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Copyright, 2017, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

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Through His Eyes

“I want to fuck you. But I don’t want to fuck with you.”

“Nice line there,” she smiled.

A wry grin spread over his lips, “Isn’t it though, I’ve been practicing it.”

His fingers reached out and touched hers hugging her coffee cup. She pulled away slightly and sighed.

“Jaq,” he searched for the words, cursing his inability to express himself, “I’m as new to this as you are.”

She looked up at him, tears threatening to spill from her eyes, and looked away, out the window at the blackbird, which had set up residence in the garden.

They had known each other forever, or at least that’s how it felt. Colleagues for years, they had hit it off from day one. Their naturally flirtatious personalities just clicked. Their work styles complimented each other too; him – calm, patient, taking his time to get things just so, her – fast, creative, eager to get things done. They balanced each other out and made a good team. He was her safety net, she was his caffeine shot. It worked.

“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered, “This is a mess.”

“You think falling for you was in my plan?” he replied, not angry, but frustrated. Frustrated at the situation they found themselves in. Frustrated she couldn’t accept what he was offering her. Frustrated at her lack of self confidence.

A tear trickled down her cheek and she impatiently wiped it away with her sleeve, rolling her eyes at her own lack of control.

“Hey now,” his hand cupped her chin, gently forcing her to look at him, “We can work this out. I don’t know how yet, but we can.”

He rubbed his stubble, “Look, I don’t ever want to force you into anything. I’ll go at your pace. Even if nothing ever happens, I’m here,” he said, knowing in his heart that he meant it but that he wanted her in every way possible.

He wanted her mind; he loved how it worked, so sharp and quirky and so different to his. He wanted her body, god how he wanted her body; her curves, her softness. He wanted to kiss her until she begged for breath, taste her skin, inhale the scent of her hair. He wanted to see her naked and take pleasure in her. He wanted to feel her move beneath him as he fucked her. He wanted to hear her moan his name. He wanted to drive her to the edge of orgasm over and over until she wept, pleading for release and then start all over again. He could never tire of her, that much he knew.

But she was still unsure. Where she saw only her flaws, he saw beauty, fragility, vulnerability. She couldn’t believe what he said he saw in her. He feared she never would. He struggled to imagine how he could change her view of herself. How could he make her trust that it was her he wanted, just as she was, right there in front of him – hair unbrushed, mascara blurred, lips chapped from her habit of chewing on them.

“Give me time?” she asked, another tear ran down her face. His fingers wiped it away and stroked her wet cheek.

“All the time you need, little one. All the time in the world.”

But deep inside… he wondered.

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F4TF #4 – The Ties That Bind

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This week”Food For Thought Friday” was on the subject of Fuck Buddies/Friends with Benefits, posing the question:

Is it possible to have a long-term “no-strings” sexual relationship?

Ah! The Wookster and I have enjoyed several stimulating discussions about this very topic. I also picked Exhibit A’s brains about a while ago. It really does fascinate me because I have never had a FwB/FB… ever!

I started having boyfriends at the age of 13. It was sweet and innocent enough, kissing, a bit of fumbling around, nothing more until the age of 16/17 when sex entered the equation. I only had sex with people I was ‘going steady’ with… boyfriends. Once the relationship came to an end we went our separate ways and usually never really spoke again. That’s just how it worked where I came from.

At college I had a few boyfriends and a few one nighters, (shush, don’t tell anyone!), but again, sex either happened in a relationship or, for one nighters, there was no aftermath, no follow up or repeat performances.

Then I met the OH, fell head over heels and moved in with him practically from day one. That was 1991. My dating/sleeping around/one night stand days were over!

I struggle to understand how FwB/FB works.

If I had a casual hook up with someone, I really think it could only happen if I liked them as well as fancied them. No matter how hot you are, if you are unpleasant, boring or rude I would have no interest in you.

I am convinced that, if I ‘like’ someone; if I enjoy their company, laugh with them, have good conversations, and we became sexual, then I would fall in love. I don’t think I could bear to think of them as simply a friend any more and the idea of them with other people would upset me.

Maybe I’m just old fashioned? Naive?

Maybe I “settled down” very young and missed out on the exploration of different types of casual relationships that happens during people’s young adult life? That was Exhibit A’s suggestion and it really did make sense to me. I actually do only have experience of sex and relationships from either an adolescent perspective and or committed, monogamous perspective.

Perhaps if the OH and I were to part ways, once the heart-break was healed, maybe I would be interested in having a regular sexual partner, but without the ties or strings of an actual relationship. Hmmm… I don’t think so! I think I’d want it all… walks together, dates, meals, long drives… surely that’s more than FwB?

I think I am even confused about exactly what makes a relationship FwB/FB rather than a… well, relationship! If the difference is you have the freedom to fuck other people, then I think that you are in a relationship but it is an open one, perhaps a poly one, (as opposed to randomly having one nighters).

Am I splitting hairs? Heeeeelp!

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F4TF #2… The Fine Line

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This week’s F4FT conundrum is…

 

 

In a monogamous relationship what constitutes cheating?

Is sexting cheating? A stolen kiss at a party? What about enjoying sexual fantasies about a co-worker or your spouse’s friend?

Where is the line?

Well… this is a thorny one!

Obviously sleeping with someone who is not your partner is cheating, that’s a given. But what about sexting? A kiss? Fantasy?

I think the old adage that if you feel the need to hide what you are doing then chances are you are doing so because you know it is wrong…

So, if you have messages or pictures in your DM or inbox that you would not want your partner to find, or if you have a second phone or secret social media account that your partner knows nothing of, perhaps you need to ask yourself why. If you are happy to tell your partner that you received sexy pictures or that you flirt with people via social media or text, then its out in the open, you can discuss it and decide if it is a threat to the relationship. The OH knows I am a tremendous flirt and I have his permission to be myself online… within limits obviously!

As for a stolen kiss… I think if that’s all it was, a momentary lapse in judgement or control, then it isn’t cheating. If more happened, or if it developed into more, then yes, you have entered cheating territory. Whether or not to tell is another issue. If it really was nothing, perhaps a drunken fumble, then being honest could potentially do more harm than good. It’s a matter of weighing up why you would tell: is it because it would just ease your conscience or is it because you feel there are deeper issues that need to be discussed between you and your partner?

As for fantasising about friends or colleagues… I think if we called this cheating it would be a sad day for us all. As with flirting, a little fantasy is harmless fun and, in my opinion, completely natural. Just because I am married does not mean I don’t notice attractive people. I frequently have sexy dreams about all sorts of people I know… albeit some more welcome than others, we can’t help what we dream of!

A little day dream fantasy about someone is fine in my book. It really only becomes an issue if it is a constant thing, if all you can think about is that person. If that is the case I think you need to see it as a warning that maybe you are developing feelings for your crush.

I am sure many of you will have very different thoughts on this issue. I think the most important thing is to be with someone who shares your feelings about monogamy and when you cross that line onto infidelity.

Each to their own. Be happy people!

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Copyright, 2015, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.