F4TF #32 – Spread The Love


Do you believe one gender is more naturally promiscuous than the other?

Why do you think this is?



In a word… NO!

In my opinion, how promiscuous, (btw, I dislike the word itself – it has a judgey tone to it that does not sit well with me), a person is depends on the individual involved, their sex drive, their feelings/beliefs about sex, their past experiences/upbringing, availability of partners, and the society they are living in, how it views sex and gender and how the person allows that to impact their behaviour.

I don’t adhere to the idea that men are naturally more promiscuous than women. I think, unfortunately, our society deems it more acceptable for men to sleep around… yes still! A glance at Twitter, Instagram, FB, (any social media platform really), highlights the double standard that still exists when it comes to gender and sex.

I wonder how younger people see it these days? Are girls who have sex still seen as sluts or easy where boys are seen as studs and scorers? If that is still the case I feel very sad. Although, we are living in the world of Tinder and such now, so perhaps there is less stigma attached to casual hook ups than there was ‘in my day’, (god, I’ve become old enough to use that phrase! Kill me now!).

Sex is a natural drive, just the same as hunger, thirst, sleep… I wish we could just let go of the judgement that surrounds it and celebrate how amazing it is.

Fuck as many people as you want to, or don’t… do what makes you and the person/people you are with happy.

(It might be a tad obvious that I am not in a wonderful mood today! A summer cold, combined with a hangover and headache, makes for a grumpy Kat, I’m afraid…)


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F4TF #31 – Free Pass


If your partner was to offer you a “free pass”, where you could do anything with anyone, without there being any recriminations, would you take advantage of it? If so, how? Have you ever been given such a “pass” and did you use it?

Ha! If any of you have been readers of either of my other two blogs you’ll be well aware of my feelings on the Free Pass idea… my list expands and changes on a weekly basis!

The long-suffering OH has agreed to it, (which to be fair, isn’t really such a sacrifice on his part, given that the chances of me running into Jamie Dornan et al, let alone the chances of him/them wanting to fuck me, are pretty astronomical!).

In all seriousness, if I was to meet him, or any of my other fantasy lovers, I think I would simply not be able to follow through. When it comes down to it, it’s just sex with a hot guy… and who’s to even say it’d be any good? What if they have BO, bad breath, sniff too much, are totally crap in bed?

And how would the OH feel knowing I’m off shagging some A-lister while he sits at home with the dogs? How would I feel thinking of him? I honestly think I’d rather stay home and play with my crazy little family. (Am I getting old?)

What would the atmosphere be like the next day?

“Do anything fun last night darling?”

“Well, seeing as you asked…”

Maybe I am growing up, (eek!), but right now I am completely content with keeping the Free Pass idea as fun, silly little fantasy.

What I have with the OH is real, solid, it matters. It matters so much more than a meaningless encounter with someone else, no matter how gorgeous and sexy they are.

Besides… I happen to have lucked out and got myself a very gorgeous and sexy OH anyway so the Free Pass is pretty redundant.


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F4TF #30 -To Share or Not To Share

IMG_0490Monogamy – do you think it is our natural inclination?

Are you in a monogamous relationship or do you you live a polyamorous life?

If you are monogamous, is it by choice? Do you find it easy or is it a struggle?

I set the question this week, following another one of mine and KW’s chats, (we really do chat about this, that and everything!).

I don’t actually believe that monogamy is our natural state. Back when the human race was living in constant danger of eminent and early death, be that at the fangs of a sabre tooth tiger or from a range of deadly, untreatable diseases, it made sense to pair up, procreate and remain together to ensure the survival of offspring and keep the genetic line alive.

(Although anthropologists have suggested that women did in fact sleep around much more than we first thought and then settled down with the man who would be the best provider/protector but who was not necessarily the biological father.)

Now that we live for so much longer, it seems perhaps naïve to think we can be satisfied by just one partner for life. I know I have different friends that I can turn to for different needs; there’s the one that’s always fun to be around, the one that seems to just ‘get’ me, the one I can bitch and moan to, the one I can gossip with. So, why do we think we should have just one person who provides everything we need in a sexual relationship? To me it feels restrictive and limiting and is based upon a social construct.

Having said all that, I am in a monogamous marriage. The OH is very aware of my opinion on mono/poly and he can see my point but doesn’t share it. Our compromise? I get to flirt as much as I like but remain faithful. I love him and, at the end of the day, my curiosity about being with other people does not outweigh my feelings for him and for his need to be my one and only. In his own words, he “doesn’t like to share”!

To be honest, I think if I did try to embark on a polyamorous relationship, I would find it very difficult to adjust and cope with feelings of jealousy or insecurity. Perhaps conservative social norms are too embedded in my psyche, perhaps the 13 years of convent education fucked me up, perhaps I am moreso intellectually curious about poly than driven to experience it.

But it works for us – I get to flirt outrageously and he knows he’s the only one who gets to handle the goods!

Each to their own I say – as long as everyone in the relationship, (whether that is a couple or enough people to create a rugby team), are informed, consenting and happy then live and let live and enjoy!


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F4TF #28 -I’ll Take ‘Fuck’ Thanks


This week’s question is:

How do you refer to sex? Do you “Fuck” or “Make Love”? Which terms do you like/dislike and why do you feel that way about them?

 Oh, well here we go!

I have never, ever felt comfortable with the phrase ‘make love’ – it just makes me cringe! It’s a bit creepy to me and always has been. Makes my skin crawl.

I simply cannot bring myself to say it, to the extent that in one of my guilty pleasures, ‘Escape; The Pina Colada Song’, (yes! I like that song, don’t judge me!), I sing “if you like doing it at midnight”, rather than the real lyrics. Makes the OH laugh every time.

The hearts and flowers of ML just isn’t for me.

I am much happier to use the word ‘fuck’ to describe the sex act. It’s simple, to the point and not so bloody soppy! No matter how romantic and candlelit you make it, sex is an animalistic act and the clarity of ‘fuck’ just hits the right note for me.

I tend to say fuck/do it/get it on/mess around/play/have sex. If I’m feeling spectacularly silly and Shakespearian I enjoy the phrase, ‘making the beast with two backs’.

You can keep your making love… (throws up a little in mouth).

If I want sex I’ll just ask for sex.


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F4TF #27 -Bits and Bobs


My kilt wearing, hairy blogging hubby KW came up with this week’s question:

What are your favourite terms for referring to “those” bits of your/your partner’s body? Which terms do you utterly detest? Why do you feel that way about them?

I have tackled this topic before in a lighthearted fashion. If you fancy a giggle please have a read (and do let me know if you enjoy it!)

So, on to the question; well let’s see…

I call my boobs, well boobs! but also I call them The Girls, chesticles or breasts. I really dislike the word tits – I am not sure why but it strikes me as disrespectful in some way, something a rude builder would call out maybe. Similarly calling them ‘mamms’ is horrible, as in “get your mamms out for the boys”. Gross!

As for my Lady Parts, (snigger), I call them “her’ or “she” mostly. Otherwise I’d say vagina or clit. I use pussy and cunt quiet a bit when I write, depending on the mood of the piece. Or I call it my ‘woohoo’ – (yeah it’s not sexy, and not really a word, it’s more of a sound I make, like a deranged owl or something).

For fun, I occasionally use the word ‘wendy’ which I picked up from Smack The Pony years ago, it makes me laugh. As does, ‘spider’ which came from Little Britain’s Vicky Pollard. The word ‘vajayjay’ makes me shudder; I mean, really? Va-fucking-jay-jay?!

I used to call it Lady Garden but given my current grooming preference these days it’s more like a Lady Desert I guess!

As for men’s bits, I use cock mostly when I write, although I use penis and erection too. Anything is better that ‘member’ or ‘staff’, both of which make me cringe. ‘Dick’ sounds a bit wee to me, and ‘mickey’ or ‘willy’ are just silly and childish.

And balls are just balls.


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F4TF #26 – Sweet or Sour?


Inspired by the wonderful scene in 9 1/2 weeks…

Do you enjoy incorporating food into your sex life? What kinds do you use? What do you like about it? Or, conversely, do you find the idea off-putting? Why so?

I love that scene! The thoughts of being blindfolded and teased with food by a gorgeous young Mickey Rourke certainly gets me hot and bothered!

As for whether I have ever incorporated food into my sexy shenanigans… yep! We played with licking ice cream off each other as youngsters but I found the stickiness off-putting.

One thing we used to do quite a lot was use champagne, (well, we were students so it was Cava!). Slurping bubbly from your loved ones navel is so much fun, as is the sensation of cold fizz being poured over your skin. We used to enjoy taking a mouthful of wine and passing it to each other as well – this works best with red wine as the mouth warms it perfectly. It’s a sweet, sexy and intimate thing to do.

I’ve noticed I keep typing we ‘used to’ and, on reflection, we don’t use food or drink in our playtimes anymore. I have no idea why. Perhaps I will start a discussion later about being blindfolded and fed whatever he finds fun to use on me.

And I’ll be sure not to have any chilli peppers in the fridge!


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F4TF #25 -Just A Number?

imageDo you have a preference when it comes to the age of your sexual partners? What is it and why do you think you have it?

Is there a limit in terms of age that you will not break? What’s too young or too old for you? Why?

They, (whoever they are), say the rule for dating someone younger is half your age plus seven, which would put my limit at 28.5. I have no idea if there is an equivalent rule for dating someone older than you… maybe twice your age minus 7? which would result in me sleeping with a 79 year old.

It’s funny, because I can imagine sleeping with a 28 year old far easier than I can with a 79 year old. I know that sounds very ageist! It is very ageist… But it just makes me feel uncomfortable. Bruce Springsteen is 66, which is still 23 years older than me, but could I imagine fucking him? Hell yeah! Then again, The Boss is not typically representative of most 66 year old men.

Do I have a preference? I tend to be more likely to flirt with and drawn to men around my age or younger. (Yes I am a cougar at heart!) I think this is because I feel quiet a bit younger than my age inside, so someone my own age feels older than me anyway, if that makes any sense. I think 28 is a good cut off point – not that I imagine any young guys would ever want to be with me!

I am not really ever attracted to older men, (Bruce excepted!). I’d go so far as to say anything over 50 would be a push for me. Why? I am not sure. My father was an older Dad, (he was around 50 when I was born), so maybe that is an explanation as to why the thought of sex with older men leaves me cold.

I guess at the end of it all, age really is just a number – some people are born old and others, like me, never really grow up at all! It mostly depends on the individual.


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