Saying Goodbye…

Today, I did a thing.

I finally, at long last, took a step towards accepting my new reality.

I filled a charity bag with all the clothes I will never fit into again.

It was a difficult and challenging thing to do – it felt as if I was saying that, even if I do lose weight, I will not ever be buying my clothes in the kids section again.

I truly marvelled at how tiny some of the pieces were… was I ever that slight?! Really?

So, there are some 11 year old girls in Chernobyl that will be getting a stash of jeans and tops soon…

…and I must accept that my days of being a waif are over.

Ciao,

đź’‹

Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

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365 Questions Day 9

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Hmmmm… My current favourite snack…

I have cultivated a love for something that, prior to last summer, I had banned from my diet for about 10 years… crisps!

Those little crunchy, fat-laden morsels of savoury, salty bursts of flavour are so fucking addictive! My new love of crisps has certainly shown itself in my expanding waistline and overflowing bra cups.

I must give up the evil, but oh so delicious little monsters!

I have four packets left in my pantry… I should just bin them, cold turkey style, but the Irish ‘you can’t throw away food’ voice inside me says different.

Perhaps I will eat them over the next few days, try to savour them, not gobble them down, and using the words of Lord Sugar, “with regret, I must let you go”.

Back to yogurt and fruit then…

đź’‹

Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.

365 Questions Day 5

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Day 5:

All of my life I have had crippling arachnophobia.

It defined me.

It caused me untold stress and upset.

It was hell.

Every year, come September, the dreaded invasion of huge, hairy spiders into my home made me feel helpless, powerless, vulnerable and a prisoner in my own home.

Last year I made an appointment with a hypnotherapist and addressed the issue head on.

From September to November, spiders came into my home and, instead of crying and screaming, I calmly pointed them out to the OH and asked him not to kill them but to take them outside to the garden. I have even managed to place a glass over them and slide some card underneath! Trust me, that is MASSIVE!

Last Saturday we visited the OH’s family and my mother in law, (who I do love), played a trick on me. She gave my youngest nephew a very large plastic tarantula toy and told him to creep up on me. I was at the dining table and turned to see a giant spider on the table beside me. In the past I would have felt that dreadful spike of adrenaline all the way to my fingertips. I would have been unable to stop myself screaming and crying and would most likely have ran from the room. On Saturday, I flinched, more from being startled than being scared, laughed and picked up the toy and calmly handed it to me mother in law.

The OH’s face was priceless… I saw concern and then pride and it made me so happy.

I was finally in control of my fear.

THAT is my major accomplishment! It’s actually life changing.

Am I allowed be to proud of myself?

đź’‹

Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.

365 Questions Day 3

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Am I content?

In many ways, yes. I have a good marriage, a nice home, enough money to live, two adorable dogs.

In other ways I am not content at all. I want to lose weight, get healthier, get fitter, improve my blogging habits, do more, try new things. In short be a better version of me!

I think it is ok to not feel totally content. If we all felt 100% content I wonder if we would ever actually do anything? Try anything? Stretch ourselves? Being too content, I think, stifles us.

đź’‹

Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.

 

365 Questions Day 1

The wonderful Marie Rebelle is doing a year long journalling challenge called 365 Questions and invited other bloggers to join in. Always one to try something new, I opted to have a go!

Here we go!

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My number one goal this year is to achieve balance in my life and get my health and fitness in order again.

I have blogged ad nauseam about this topic and wont bore you all again… if you want to read my past posts about it they are found on my other blog.

I hope I can achieve this goal as it will be truly life-changing.

đź’‹

Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.