TMI Tuesday – August 16th

1. Where is the most beautiful place on earth and why?

I find this almost impossible to answer because I have been fortunate enough to visit several breathtakingly beautiful places in my life. For me, anywhere that is nature based is beautiful – on the beach, up in the Wicklow mountains, in a forest, even in my garden, surrounded by my plants, birds singing and bees buzzing.

2. How old is the most expired item in your fridge?
Guilty! It’s usually to be found in the veg drawer – a limp, soggy lettuce or a bag of carrots that are soft and pliable in a way carrots have no business being.
3. What’s under your bed?
Nothing! I have a bed with drawers in it so if that counts, you will find stocks of deoderant, hairspray, tampons, floss etc.
4. What is in your pocket?
A tissue… never be without a tissue!
5. Which famous person would you like to be best-friends with? Why?
Amy Poehler! She doesn’t know it, (yet), but we would make the most excellent friends… She is smart, funny, gorgeous, talented… sure it’s like looking in a mirror, haha!
Now if only I can get my hands on her number…
6. There is now a line of lacy lingerie for men. Would you wear it or like to see your man in it? See here and here
Depends… I think the androgenous/gender bender thing can be very sexy – on the right man. I do like a man that’s ‘man enough’ to go there! And if he’s wearing eyeliner, so much the better!
Bonus: Think The Olympics. Men’s gymnastic uniforms–sexy or goofy? Discuss!

Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me?! Look at those bodies! Look at that strength and control! Sexy doesn’t begin to cover it!gym_men_tmi————TMI Tuesday blog

TMI Tuesday blog

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link totmituesdayblog from your website!Happy TMI Tuesday!💋Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.comAll rights reserved.

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Stakeout

A wide grin spread across his face as he looked down at her, “That’s what I like to see.”

She turned her head and looked back at him over her shoulder, a tress of her chestnut hair falling over one eye and replied, “Fuck off,” before getting up from her hands and knees and adjusting her tailored skirt back down her thighs to her knees.

He raised his palms in a fake, “What?” and winked at her, “Hey, if you insist on teasing me with that fine ass of yours that’s on you.”

“Is it even worth my breath to say the magic words, ‘sexual harassment in the workplace’?” she sighed, but there was a hint of a smile on her lips.

It was always like this between them. She looked at him covertly as she arranged the files she had retrieved from the floor; he was a good-looking guy, still in good shape with a full head of hair and a light beard. Not for the first time she wondered what he looked like without his shirt, a warm feeling in the pit of her belly as she pictured him.

“Oi, who’s sexually harassing who now then?” he winked at her, catching her staring. She cursed under her breath as she felt the pink flush creep up her cheeks.

“You wish!” and walked past him, brushing a little closer than was strictly necessary, to leave the squad room.

Leaning against the sink in the Ladies, she looked at her reflection. “Christ Amanda, what the fuck are you doing? He’s your goddamned boss!” she thought.

From day one, DI James Mitchell had adopted a casual, playful manner with her, alternately provoking her and letting her away with a level of insubordination he would never tolerate from any of the guys in the team. She wondered if she should have made a complaint at the start, but as the newbie she hadn’t wanted to make any waves. And besides, the way he looked at her made her insides flip. She knew he rated her work and was never shy about letting her and others know what good cop she was, just as he wasn’t shy about commenting on her physical attributes. She just wasn’t sure if he would ever follow through on his words…

A loud bang on the door, “Oi! Mandy! Get a move on, we got a call,” his deep baritone from the other side of the door.

“Don’t call me Mandy!” she sighed as she walked past him. He laughed.

Two hours passed. They sat in his car, watching the empty house, waiting for their man to make an appearance. They had talked about colleagues, fiddled with the radio, (she took the piss out of his singing), and played a ridiculous game of ‘I spy’.

“Is this tip off legit? Feels like we’ve been here forever,” she sighed.

“You know the drill. This is the job,” he replied, stifling a yawn, “Anyway, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”

“What’s that then?” she said, turning to look at him. He remained in profile, looking out the windscreen.

“You’re an ace DS you know, you’re gonna go a long way.”

“Thanks…” she felt unsure of where this was going.

“I just wanted to make sure you knew. Seeing as I’ll be moving on soon,” she saw his Adam’s apple move as he swallowed; it was his ‘tell’ for when he finds something difficult to say.

His words provoked more of a response in her than she could have expected; a sudden urge to cry hit her like a thunderclap, “Move on?” her voice trembled slightly. He still didn’t look at her.

“Yeah… I applied for a transfer across the city and heard today that I got it. Same shit, different desk, you know?”

Feeling a bit stunned and lost she couldn’t stop herself, “But, why? Why move? Is it me? What did I do? I thought you liked working with me!” she willed herself to shut up but couldn’t seem to help herself. She was dangerously close to tears.

“Well it is, in a way, about you,” he finally turned to face her. His jaw was clenched tight, a tiny muscle in his cheek flexed. His eyes were serious.

She waited.

He took a breath, “First off, there was no call. No one’s going to show up here, as far as I know anyway, seeing as this is just a random street I parked on.”

She blinked. “What the…”

“I just needed to find the moment to say this…” she could see he was struggling now.

“Say what!? Christ Jim you’re freaking me the fuck out n…” before she could finish his hands were in her hair and his mouth covered hers, robbing her of breath. After a second of utter shock, she returned his kiss; their tongues hungry for each other, bodies pressed against each other over the gear stick.

Breathlessly he released her, his eyes burning into hers, “Mandy, Jesus, Mandy, I’ve wanted to do that since I first saw you. I was so fucking scared you’d say no,” he whispered, sounding more vulnerable than she had ever heard him before, “I applied for the transfer on the chance that you’d want to start something with me. You know the rules about working on the same team…”

“You did that? For me?” her head was spinning, from his revelation as well as from the kiss.

He grinned, “I figured if I did this and you told me to fuck off I’d be better off across the city anyway.”

“Jim?” she asked.

“Yeah?”

“You know the way to my place don’t you?”

Grinning even wider, he turned and revved the engine, wheels spinning as he took of at high speed.

“And for the love of God, stop calling me Mandy!”

💋

Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.

F4TF #27 -Bits and Bobs

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My kilt wearing, hairy blogging hubby KW came up with this week’s question:

What are your favourite terms for referring to “those” bits of your/your partner’s body? Which terms do you utterly detest? Why do you feel that way about them?

I have tackled this topic before in a lighthearted fashion. If you fancy a giggle please have a read (and do let me know if you enjoy it!)

So, on to the question; well let’s see…

I call my boobs, well boobs! but also I call them The Girls, chesticles or breasts. I really dislike the word tits – I am not sure why but it strikes me as disrespectful in some way, something a rude builder would call out maybe. Similarly calling them ‘mamms’ is horrible, as in “get your mamms out for the boys”. Gross!

As for my Lady Parts, (snigger), I call them “her’ or “she” mostly. Otherwise I’d say vagina or clit. I use pussy and cunt quiet a bit when I write, depending on the mood of the piece. Or I call it my ‘woohoo’ – (yeah it’s not sexy, and not really a word, it’s more of a sound I make, like a deranged owl or something).

For fun, I occasionally use the word ‘wendy’ which I picked up from Smack The Pony years ago, it makes me laugh. As does, ‘spider’ which came from Little Britain’s Vicky Pollard. The word ‘vajayjay’ makes me shudder; I mean, really? Va-fucking-jay-jay?!

I used to call it Lady Garden but given my current grooming preference these days it’s more like a Lady Desert I guess!

As for men’s bits, I use cock mostly when I write, although I use penis and erection too. Anything is better that ‘member’ or ‘staff’, both of which make me cringe. ‘Dick’ sounds a bit wee to me, and ‘mickey’ or ‘willy’ are just silly and childish.

And balls are just balls.

💋

Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.

 

 

F4TF #24 – Location, Location, Location

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Back in Week 11 of F4TF we asked you about the riskiest or most adventurous place you have ever had sex and you guys did not disappoint us.

This week we are asking:

Is there a location that you have never had sex in/at but you would love to try it?

A car? cinema? outdoors? the beach? a church?

Do you think it will ever happen? What has stopped you doing it so far?

I didn’t submit a response to Week 11, (I know, bad Kat!). Spank me!

Most of the sex I had as a teen was outdoors; golf links, beaches, benches, secluded grassy areas, up against walls, (classy, I know)… It was only when I got to college that I discovered the luxury of having sex in a bed!

As an old married lady these days, the sex happens in the house, (or a hotel if I am lucky!)

I have never had sex in a car! Never! I would love to, just to know how it feels. I imagine it is hot, uncomfortable and frought with the risk of being caught. Fun!

Likewise, I’ve done sexy things in a cinema but never batted the home run, as it were. This doesn’t actually interest me anyway… as it is, I think cinema seats are velvet petri dishes for germs so I don’t really want my nether regions making direct skin contact with them. A drive in would be epic though as I get to fuck in a car whilst at the cinema!

I’ve covered the beach sex. Sand is not a friend of the vagina, that is all I shall say.

I may have leaked a wee kink of mine when I offered church as an option! I expect it is my natural rebellious streak mixing with 13 years of Catholic indoctrination and education that makes me want to do the nasty in “god’s house”. I find the idea sexy, flithy and hot as all fuck! Being fucked on the cold marble floor, blowing a guy as I kneel in a confessional, and of course the ultimate… being devoured on the altar itself.

I haven’t been in a church for many years but I wonder… could we sneak in when it’s quiet and maybe, if not have full sex, he could certainly get me off, (or vice versa), at the back of the chapel!? If he wanted to wear a full length black cassock, so much the better!

I also love the idea of sex in a graveyeard. I was close once but hey, that’s another story for another day.

Or, wait for it… a coffin.

I have a kink for, well… death! Fucking in a coffin, or the back of a hearse… maybe it’s a throwback to my Goth youth?

Maybe I’m just a freak? Who knows? Who cares? It’s fucking sexy!

💋

Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.

 

 

 

 

F4TF #23 – If I Were A Boy…

The Hairy One and I have some fantastic chats about all sorts of things, and if I recall correctly, this week’s question came about as a result of one of them.

KW asked us:

If you could spend one day as a member of the opposite sex, would you? If so, how would you spend that day?

First of all, I have already answered this question way back in May 2014if you are interested in checking it out.

I just reread my own post and very little has changed.

Having said that, I noticed that I forgot to include that I would most definitely want to receive a blow job from someone who REALLY knows what they are doing. First of all just to experience what it feels like and also because I am interested in whether there are any tricks or techniques that I don’t already know about… learning on the job as it were.

I would like to know how it feels to walk alone somewhere with no conscious regard for my personal safety. I know the world is getting ever more dangerous and violent, and men are victims of assault too, but I do believe it feels different to be a woman out alone, especially at night.  Also, as a man I think I’d be very aware of how I behave around women. I would dread to think I could cause them anxiety or fear. I am sure most decent guys think this way too. I am very interested in knowing what it feels like to be a man in today’s society – how I would be expected to behave as opposed to how I am as a woman.

I would love to know what it feels like to shave my face, but also what it feels like to have a beard. I guess I’d need to be in the body of a bearded man and then at the end of the day I shave it all off. I think I would be a beard stroker type.

So those are my ideas of how I would spend a day as a man: sex, violence, peeing, facial hair, societal roles, more sex…

Maybe I’d finally understand the offside rule too?

💋

Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.

Wicked Wednesday… Growing Older

rainbowcircle1-150“It starts on the day we are born – we grow older. For roughly the the first twenty years of our lives we never think about our age. Maybe some people don’t think about it for the first thirty years. But there comes a time when you do think about growing older. Are you at that point yet? How long have you thought about getting older? How old are you? Do you regret getting older? Why or why not? Come on, talk to us about age, your age! Or, write a sexy story about growing older…”

I am certainly feeling my age these days – but hey, ageing beats the alternative, right?

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💋

Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.

Funny Fanny

My new nickname from the OH is Funny Fanny…

Yesterday I finally got to attend my specialist appointment that I had been waiting a year for. After the examination the doctor casually mentioned, “Well, you have a retroverted uterus…”

Whoa! Hold up Dr! A what now?!

Apparently about 25% of women have this and it is not necessarily an issue in terms of well being. It simply means that my little womb tilts backwards, towards my spine rather that towards my tummy as with the majority of women.

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This morning, as he made me coffee, the OH turned to me and said, “So, I guess I’ll be calling you Funny Fanny from now on then?”

We both laughed at the idea that my quirks and my tendency to be a little ‘different’ extend to my innards!

I just checked something with him and he asked who I am telling this too. I replied I am blogging it which earned me a “really?” look and a slow shake of his head…

Hey! What can I say, I am an over-sharer!    😂

💋

Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.