I’m Still Here… Just

“What are your plans for today?”

“I’ve none. That’s the problem. Well, I’ve some laundry and ironing to do but that’s it.”

“Any writing?”

“Nothing to write about.”

“What about some photography? You haven’t done any in a while, have you?”

“Nothing to photograph.”

“Well, there’s your task today then.”

I sigh.

“You’ve got to help yourself love.”

This was our conversation as he dressed after his shower this morning.

*

You may, (or more likely, may not), have noticed that I’ve been very quiet for a while now. My last entry to this blog was July 18th, and even that was just to link to elust.

I have felt completely devoid of inspiration. I have nothing to say that I think is worth sharing.

I feel aimless; I have no routine, no goals, no purpose.

I drift.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner are the only markers of my day. Sometimes I feel like I am existing merely to get to the next mealtime.

Many days I don’t bother to get dressed.

I can’t remember the last time I was outside alone.

“I’m sorry I look so shitty,” I say several times a day. He replies, telling me to shush and that I am beautiful.

I am clueless as to how to fix this…

Do I need a routine? Do I need him to tell me what it is? The ‘little’ in me strives to be obedient and pleasing, but I know I will probably rebel against any instructions that he gives me, because I feel too tired, too apathetic to carry them out.

Perhaps I feel unworthy of feeling any better?

I am five weeks into my new medication… the so-called miracle pill that is Prozac. Is it working? Maybe, to some extent. But not enough. Not consistently. I have fleeting moments of confidence and contentment, where I do not despise myself, but they do no last.

I sit here, 9.50am, yet another day where I am not showered or dressed yet, and with no plans for the day ahead of me, with only a detached sense of resignation that nothing will change. Numb.

Is this it? Is this how it shall be? Forever?

Why am I even sharing these meandering thoughts? Why bore and burden you with my non-issues?

With a deep sigh, (apparently I sigh A LOT), I end this decidedly mediocre, self-pitying post.

I hope illicithoughts will return to being a place where I can express myself again, hopefully entertain you, make you think, make you angry, make you sad, make you laugh.

I hope, but I can’t promise.

💋

Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.

 

 

New Page!

FullSizeRender.jpgAs you may or may not know, I have a much more demure blog that I run in addition to the filth I share here.

Today I created a new page on my non-kinky blog dedicated to my other love, photography. I called it Kat’s Eye: a wee glimpse into how I see the world.

I have had a passion for photography for as long as I can remember but have never thought to share it with the world before. Until now… Gulp!

If you fancy having a look at my efforts you can find them all here.

Hope you enjoy!

💋

Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.

Elust #81

Yay! I made the Top Three!!!!!!!!!!

Hyacinth foe Elust 81
Photo courtesy of A Dissolute Life Means

Welcome to Elust #81

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #82 Start with the rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Who Are You Calling Crazy Cat Lady?

Stranger on a Train

Taking Emilia

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

The Sign
Everyday sexism

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

The Best Sex
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Erotic Fiction

Fist
Johnny on the Spot
Wierd
Caught Watching
A is for the ache I feel…
OVER THE EDGE – but softly
This is Love

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

The NiteFlirt-Twitter Findom-Shout Complex
Donald Trump: Feminist

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Do What You Want
Setting expectations
Control
Held Captive

Erotic Non-Fiction

My Rope Life Rebooted
I Needed my Fix
Beautiful, Loving, Surprise Birthday Blowjob!
Mind and Body
Bukkake, Babe, that’s me! Or is it?
Jun 2014 Session – Mistress Claire & Robynn
Don’t Just Fuck Her!
Mid Week Fantasizing — The 3some
I told him I’m Hy.

Writing About Writing

Captive Audience: Dubious Consent Fantasy

Poetry

He is Risen! A Lusty Limerick
Thin – an erotic poem

Blogging

The illusion of familiarity…

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Be A Better Lover
trust
Who Owns My Sexual Agency?

Body Talk and Sexual Health

Boobs on my Mind
ELust Site Badge

An Interview With The Writer #2 Wank Of The Day

FullSizeRenderI was so happy when the gorgeous Chloe from Wank Of The Day sent me a DM on twitter asking if I would be interested in interviewing her. I have enjoyed her blog for a long time and have always found her very easy to chat with – she’s a funny chick is our Clo! If I recall correctly, she introduced me to my good buddy and my co-founder of F4TF, and my first IWTW victim, Wookie, (or maybe he introduced me to her?).

Please do visit her blog if you haven’t already done so… It is a filthy and fabulous place and you will not be disappointed.


Delighted to chat with you Chloe, let’s get started – can you tell us how Wank of the Day came to be?

I can’t actually answer that one. I know that the couple who started it, Jess and Luke, intended it to be a collective, a place where bloggers and people who didn’t have blogs of their own could share their smut. A certain hirsute friend of ours asked me if I’d like to get involved doing the tumblr blog, (since I had a few of my own). A couple of years ago, Jess stepped down for personal reasons and asked me if I might keep it ticking over. I agreed and, at first, it was mainly down to submissions from people like yourself and Rebecca Black. I started writing a few opinion pieces and the blog, as we know it today, pretty much grew from there.

Ah yes! Our mutual hairy friend, haha!

We know you write from your, (very adventurous and exciting), personal experiences but do you write any of your stories based solely on fantasy?

No, not really; although, I guess yes too. Partially because my fantasies tend to revolve around particular things that I’ve done or that I enjoy doing. In my head, I may change the location, the circumstances, or possibly even the person I did them with, but they are all kind of reflective, pleasant memories. The blog posts I write also tend to be about those experiences, so in a way, I guess, they are quite close to the things I fantasize about. Only, when I blog, I keep the actual people and places in them.

WOTD features a wonderful mix of your true-life stories, fiction, poetry and discussion pieces, which form of writing do you prefer?

I think I’m much better at writing about sex than actually writing sex. I’ve written a few pieces of fiction, but most of the stories on the blog come from guest posters like yourself. Discussion/opinion pieces are much easier because it’s just me spouting off whatever is in my head. Sometimes I can be quite lucid, at other times I can be a bit vague. Sometimes I kinda forget what point I’m trying to make half way through because I’ve gone off on a tangent and can’t get back to point. It’s a bit free rolling at times, but that’s just how my mind works.

I can relate to that! I often start off a piece thinking it will end totally differently to how it actually does!

Do you have a post of your own that you are particularly proud of? A favourite?

I tend to forget what I’ve written sometimes almost as soon as I’ve written it; “Baby Brain” is particularly good for that. One post, however, that was particularly well received was my somewhat tongue-in-cheek: An “A-Z” of Wanks that I wrote last May for “National Masturbation Month” (do you think that’s actually a real thing?). It is still by far and away the most popular post I have written in terms of views and reblogs.

Oh! I loved that post! It was so funny! So good I am gonna link to it here!

You very generously regularly post pieces by other bloggers, why do you like to offer this service?

As I said at the start, WOTD was intended to be a collective. When I took over, people like you helped considerably by actually giving material to post. It also introduced me to some fabulous writers like KC Cave and Oleander Plume. At first it was a great way to help keep the blog ticking over as I was finding my feet, and I suspect, now that I can no longer see my feet, it might become more important again. It’s a great way of spreading the love though.

I am a firm believer in bloggers and writers supporting and promoting each other’s work, so good for you Chloe! Great job!

What, if any, aspects of blogging or writing challenge you?

Coming up with new ideas. Not repeating myself, (see earlier comment about my memory). Actually sticking to/remembering the point I’m trying to make. And then, of course, there’s the inevitable pitfall about writing about sex, which is not allowing yourself to get too distracted by what you are writing.

Oh, I frequently have to take a mid-writing break to, um… take care of business before I can complete a sexy story. And I relate very much to the pressure to come up with fresh content and not get repetitive.

What are the best things about blogging?

I do enjoy my “research”; I’m definitely very “hands-on” in that respect.

You are a minx! For me, it has to be the connections I have made via my blogs. I have made good friends.

WOTD participates in lots of blogging memes, but which are your favourites?

#SinfulSunday is a particular favourite of mine because it’s so positive and so supportive. It celebrates the wide variety of shapes and sizes and the beauty of all of them. #MasturbationMonday and #WickedWednesday are great for giving me ideas to write about, and the pics that Kayla posts as prompts are yummy. I have a particular soft-spot for #SexySearching, if only because it was originally my baby, even if the lovely Rebel has now taken it on as I just don’t have the time to devote to it. I also enjoy the posers that you and the Wookie set on #FoodForThoughtFriday.

Thanks! We love reading your replies. I am a fan of Sinful and Wicked too.

We know of your love of sex and all things cock related Chloe, but have you any specific kinks or fetishes? How do they feature in your writing?

The two biggest ones, which will probably be no surprise to anyone who reads the blog are pain and cum. I love Mike’s belt and I am always looking for new ways to “earn” its attention. I am also a self-confessed “Cum Slut”. I definitely have a fixation for the substance. I love its feel, its texture, its taste, the warm sensation of it in me and on my skin. I love the delicious feeling of degradation when Mike, or another guy cums over my face or my boobs. Basically, I can’t get enough of the stuff. Am I weird?

I can think of worse things to be addicted to!

Do you think erotica and pornography are different? How so?

Yes and no. They are both different strands of the same thing, namely the fascination that we humans have with sex and the fact that we find sex, in itself, sexy. Porn is obviously a lot more visual, it’s pretty much in your face, whereas erotica plays much more in your mind. I can get turned on viewing pornographic images, and I share ones that I particularly like via my tumblr blogs; but words… Well, words move me at a much deeper level. When I’m reading, I can immerse myself in it so much more. Porn is voyeuristic; erotica can feel so much more personal; it’s a facking great shag for the brain.

I agree. Do you read erotica? Any authors you would recommend?

I read quite a lot, but mainly in blogs. As well as yourself and the other bloggers I have already mentioned, Tabitha Rayne and F dot Leonora are definitely well worth reading.

Do you watch porn? Alone? With Mike? What categories do you click on most often?

It may be a surprise, but I don’t actually watch that much. When I do, I tend to prefer amateur/homemade because it’s more “real”. I like looking at pornographic images, and Mike and I will often scroll through tumblr together, selecting the photos to reblog.

The couple that pervs together stays together!

You share so much of yourself on WOTD, so I’d love to know if any people, (friends or family), from your ‘real life’ read the blog? Are you comfortable with them knowing so much personal information about you?

As a blogger, I am sort of “out” but still very much “in”. Yes, I make reference to the fact that I have red hair and that I am originally from Shetland, but, that said, I never post photos of my face, (even if my boobs have made the occasional cameo on the blog) and, apart from the sex, I don’t really give away too many details about my “real” life. I guess, if people really wanted to put two and two together, they could work out who I am, but on the whole, I’m comfortable with it. A couple of my close friends know, and although they were initially a bit shocked, they are cool with it. As I’ve mentioned before, if my mother were ever to read it, it probably wouldn’t be my sex life that shocked her, but finding out that I used to smoke.

Congratulations are due as we know that you and Mike are soon to become parents for the first time! Has pregnancy had any effect on your sex life? How do you think becoming a Mother will impact on your sex life?

Becoming pregnant had a huge impact on it. For the first few months when I couldn’t keep anything I ate down and wasn’t sleeping. Sex was just not even on the cards. Once things settled down, my appetites returned with a vengeance. I suspect motherhood will have quite a big effect. I can’t imagine I’ll be picking up random guys in pubs for a while and as for swinging, well I suspect that may well be on hold until the sleepless nights pass. Honestly though, I’ve no idea how it’ll affect me. Given that I never expected to be able to get pregnant, this is all a leap into the unknown for me. Who knows, Odin forbid, it might even make an “honest” woman out of me.

Haha! Never!

Do you have a sex ‘bucket list’? What is on it that you have yet to do?

No, not really. If there’s something I really want to try, I generally try it. I’ve no desire to fuck Mike on top of Mount Everest, although I have given him a blowjob at the summit of Ben Nevis, and I’ve no desire to have sex going over Niagara Falls in a barrel. But I’ve done threesomes, I’ve tried, (and got amazingly turned-on), by double-penetration, I’ve had sex with other women, so really, I’ve had a pretty full range of sexual experiences.

Good for you!

We know that you and Mike are not monogamous. Do you ever feel jealous of another woman being with him? Does he feel jealous when you are with someone else?

That’s an interesting question. I must confess, I felt a slight pang the first time I actually saw him fuck someone else. Having said that however, prior to that, watching the same woman suck his cock was a huge turn-on and didn’t arouse any jealousy at all. The thing is, as I explained on the blog, we met as a holiday fling. When we first started seeing each other, he was still living and working down in Bristol. Although we liked each other a lot, and the sex was amazing, being exclusive just didn’t figure into it. As we became more serious, we just agreed that we should be honest about it given that we lived the best part of 500 miles apart and saw each other at most, every other weekend, if we were lucky. When he moved back up here and when we started living together it just kind of carried on and, as we started exploring the D/s side of our relationship, we agreed boundaries and consequences. If Mike has ever had any jealousy with me being with another guy, he has never said, and I suspect, if he does, the thrashings I receive for my indiscretions possibly help him work it out of his system. Apart from that initial experience when we started swinging though, no I don’t feel jealous at all, other than maybe the fact that she is enjoying his cock/tongue instead of me. But then, I’m generally also equally occupied; and, if I’m being honest, I actually find watching him in action pretty fucking hot.

Now for a challenge! Tell us something new and surprising about yourself… something we do not already know!

Shit! I’ll have to think about something other than sex then. Is that even allowed? Well, before I discovered booze, fags and sex, and before my boobs made running extremely uncomfortable, I was the Under 13s girls Inter-Island sprint champion at both 100m and 200m and, in my late 20’s, (so after those discoveries and the encumbrance), I completed both the Edinburgh and London Marathons raising money for MS research. My aunt (mum’s younger sister) suffers from the disease, so it is a cause very close to my heart.

That’s great Chloe, what an achievement!

I really enjoyed chatting with you today, thanks for being so open and generous. I wish you and Mike all the best as your embark on the new adventure of parenthood. And of course, I will continue to be a fan of your blog!

💋

Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.

Kink As A Therapy?

I recall once reading an article on Fetlife about the use of kink as a form of therapy, especially in terms of recovery from sexual abuse. I no longer use Fet and am trying to do some research on this topic but I’m not having much success.

Then it occurred to me that I have a wealth of resources at my finger tips right here in the form of other kinksters and sex bloggers! I would be so grateful if you could share any information you have on this subject.

I’d appreciate any and all help you can offer.

Thanks guys and gals!

Love y’all!

💋

  • note: I am in no way suggesting that people who enjoy kink or fetishes are doing so because they are damaged or broken as a result of having experienced sexual, physical or emotional abuse. Studies have shown that this simply is not true. Please don’t let this query become a debate about that.

Copyright,2016,  illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.

Ms. Modesty!

I announced my new feature, An Interview With The Writer on Tuesday and have been amazed at the response it has received. It seems people really like the idea and I have had several fellow bloggers express interest in being featured, which has delighted me!

One blogger, the pretty awesome Modesty Ablaze, asked if I would consider her as a subject. I follow her blog already, but in the interests of being a good little interviewer, I popped over and gave it a very thorough inspection. I found that Modesty has a great page on her blog called “Questions You’ve Asked Me“, where she is incredibly open and provides honest and generous responses to all manner of questions people have asked her about her life and blog. I felt that there was really nothing new I could ask her that hadn’t already been addressed.

I hate to say no to people, (I am cursed with the terrible disease; ‘the need to please’), but I told the delightful Modesty how I felt and she was very gracious and lovely in her reply.

However, as I do like to spread the love, I am going to take the opportunity to direct you to her blog, where she posts wickedly sinful photos and shares details of her very exciting and adventurous sex life.

Check out her Q&A pages and see if you can come up with a new question for her!

💋

note: if I do ever say no to an interview request, I hope you understand it was not an easy thing for me to do and that I would have given it careful consideration and would have a genuine reason for saying no. It would certainly not be a reflection on your blog! 

Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.

F Dot Made My Morning!

I woke up this morning still feeling unwell, but all my aches, pains and coughing were forgotten when I opened my email to find that my gorgeous friend, Leonora, a writer and photographer I greatly admire, had posted my Spotlight piece on her blog.

The things she wrote about me touched me deeply and I need to take this opportunity to thank her… Thank you!

If you haven’t visited her blog, (what?????!!!!!), do it!

She is a prolific writer and editor of erotica and also runs a fantastic flash fiction meme called Friday Flash, which I highly recommend you read and contribute to.

As if that isn’t enough, she co-runs yet another exciting photography blog called Click Click 365, which I look forward to visiting everyday to see what arresting images the four talented photographers have shared.

If you’d like to read the post on her blog it is right here!

💋

Copyright, 2016, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

All rights reserved.