Are you in a monogamous relationship or do you you live a polyamorous life?
If you are monogamous, is it by choice? Do you find it easy or is it a struggle?
I set the question this week, following another one of mine and KW’s chats, (we really do chat about this, that and everything!).
I don’t actually believe that monogamy is our natural state. Back when the human race was living in constant danger of eminent and early death, be that at the fangs of a sabre tooth tiger or from a range of deadly, untreatable diseases, it made sense to pair up, procreate and remain together to ensure the survival of offspring and keep the genetic line alive.
(Although anthropologists have suggested that women did in fact sleep around much more than we first thought and then settled down with the man who would be the best provider/protector but who was not necessarily the biological father.)
Now that we live for so much longer, it seems perhaps naïve to think we can be satisfied by just one partner for life. I know I have different friends that I can turn to for different needs; there’s the one that’s always fun to be around, the one that seems to just ‘get’ me, the one I can bitch and moan to, the one I can gossip with. So, why do we think we should have just one person who provides everything we need in a sexual relationship? To me it feels restrictive and limiting and is based upon a social construct.
Having said all that, I am in a monogamous marriage. The OH is very aware of my opinion on mono/poly and he can see my point but doesn’t share it. Our compromise? I get to flirt as much as I like but remain faithful. I love him and, at the end of the day, my curiosity about being with other people does not outweigh my feelings for him and for his need to be my one and only. In his own words, he “doesn’t like to share”!
To be honest, I think if I did try to embark on a polyamorous relationship, I would find it very difficult to adjust and cope with feelings of jealousy or insecurity. Perhaps conservative social norms are too embedded in my psyche, perhaps the 13 years of convent education fucked me up, perhaps I am moreso intellectually curious about poly than driven to experience it.
But it works for us – I get to flirt outrageously and he knows he’s the only one who gets to handle the goods!
Each to their own I say – as long as everyone in the relationship, (whether that is a couple or enough people to create a rugby team), are informed, consenting and happy then live and let live and enjoy!
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