Kink As A Therapy?

I recall once reading an article on Fetlife about the use of kink as a form of therapy, especially in terms of recovery from sexual abuse. I no longer use Fet and am trying to do some research on this topic but I’m not having much success.

Then it occurred to me that I have a wealth of resources at my finger tips right here in the form of other kinksters and sex bloggers! I would be so grateful if you could share any information you have on this subject.

I’d appreciate any and all help you can offer.

Thanks guys and gals!

Love y’all!


  • note: I am in no way suggesting that people who enjoy kink or fetishes are doing so because they are damaged or broken as a result of having experienced sexual, physical or emotional abuse. Studies have shown that this simply is not true. Please don’t let this query become a debate about that.


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29 thoughts on “Kink As A Therapy?

  1. I was kinky before I met my ex, I had just never had a chance to explore it.
    Now I am in a relationship where I can explore it’s helped me a hell of lot to get over my lack of self confidence etc. that were made worse by my ex.
    I don’t know that I needed a kinky relationship for that, maybe any relationship were I was loved and respected would have worked, I don’t know.
    I do know that any feelings of guilt or weirdness I had about my fantasies have mostly gone now I know more about the things other people enjoy and fantasise about. I know I’m not the only one who has dark, filthy thoughts.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Ok, what I have to say may not be totally matching what you mean, and I’m not particularly kinky, but I can tell you that accepting my sexuality, welcoming it, my body and all it can do was a big part of my recovery from emotional abuse. I didn’t become kinkier because of the abuse, but accepting myself as I am was definitely a big step towards healing from years of abuse.
    Accepting I liked sex was a first step. Accepting my body had powers I had never imagined before (like multiple orgasms on a scale that I had never even imagined, or squirting, or coming with just the right thought) and accepting those helped empower me.
    Accepting my exhibitionist side was nice too. I could be who I was, I could show the world how beautiful I am, and enjoying their gaze on my body was empowering too.
    Accepting that I like to have more than one partner was another big step. I have really always known about that, but simply had to repress it for years because my ex had no interest in sex, and would certainly not have been confident enough to accept the comparison.

    I guess, if you look at all this, I am a bit kinky 😉

    All I can say is that I haven’t set foot in therapy since I started my blog, and my blog was the most visible part of my exhibitionism I guess, even though I didn’t show pics of myself on it, I bared it all in my words.

    And boy do I feel better now than I’ve ever felt! 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Having been forced to submit to childhood sexual abuse and recovered from the trauma, kink, specifically submission allows ME to give what was once taken. Every day, i am a testament to its healing power.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Exactly! Offering submission to a Master who is worthy of it, honors it and and who treasures me is very empowering, yet humbling at the same time. For me, true submission could only occur after the wounds were healed rather than as a part of the process. It is yummy frosting on a delicately baked cake. 💜

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Fantastic question. For me, my kink is incredibly therapeutic. I believe it stems from my inability to express myself as a child, to make myself known, visible, heard (I suffer from a speech disability, which was much more pronounced as a child). Now, I feel absolutely free when I am able to be nothing; when I am dehumanized and reduced to just a thing. No options, no choice, no responsibility. And when that’s done by someone I love and respect and care for, who feels the same about me? I can honestly feel my blood pressure lowering. Nothing in my life has ever felt so beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. For me personally, breaking the traditional relationship model and exploring deeper aspects of intimacy has led to me challenging belief systems in general, especially my own. Learning about my sub’s fantasies and accepting her even more allows me to see her as a woman with depth and not as a singular role. From there, a domino effect happened. I learned to not attach to outcomes and see her for who she is. As an abuse victim (both of us from childhood), we learned to accept the dialects and depths within ourselves. The most prominent result was we learned not to be defined by our biography or abuse. We both learned the power to have a control over our narrative.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Yes, is the simple answer, but I’d like to add that there is a fine line between self harming by way of kink and healing. We are all cycling through our pain in some way, the body/brain stores it to protect us, but the mechanism is imperfect and we can end up reliving our trauma. For some, kink is an opportunity to reshape the hurt in a controlled safe way. For others, it can easily cross the line into working out their anger on others or re-victimizing themselves.
    If humans had one way of coping with their past suffering, it would be easy to say yes or no. But I used to say no to potential play partners if they had abuse in their backgrounds, and I don’t do that on principle anymore.
    PS, thank you, My Dear, for the very non-judgmental way you posed this question. I find a lot of bloggers are really judgy in posting about kink when they don’t understand it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your reply. You make a good point about the fine line between using kink as a therapy and using it harm ourselves further. It can really help us come to terms and redefine our pasts or it can turn into a cycle of self abuse. Great point. Thanks!


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