F4TF #3… Punishment or Pleasure?


This weeks F4TF opened with:

Within the D/s community, there are times when it is necessary for a Dom to administer a corrective spanking/caning/thrashing. Our question this week, however is directed to those on the receiving ends of such punishments.

Do you consider a corrective spanking/caning/thrashing as a pleasure or a punishment?

This is an interesting question that raises several further questions for me about the very nature of  D/s relationships. I think one thing that is very important in the world of kink is the acceptance that there is no one “true” or “right” way to do D/s. Being dictatorial about how D/s “should” be does not sit well with me.

As long as the basic principles of SSC or RACK or PRICK are at the forefront, (whichever phrase suits your mindset), there are no hard and fast rules that couples should feel they need to adhere to.

So, bearing that in mind, I have to challenge the opening line, “Within the D/s community, there are times when it is necessary for a Dom to administer a corrective spanking/caning/thrashing.” I think a more accurate phrasing might be,Within some of the D/s community, there might be times when it is necessary for a Dom to administer a corrective spanking/caning/thrashing, if that is part of the dynamic in that relationship.”

(You might think I am being picky and pedantic, but I think it is important to be clear in order for me to write my response to the question.)

So… without any further ado…

I am a submissive woman who loves experiencing pain… a spanking is, for me, always a pleasure.

To call a spanking a punishment simply doesn’t work for me for a number of reasons:

Firstly, and obviously, if I enjoy something as much as I enjoy being spanked, whipped, pinched or hit, it is impossible to think of it as a negative thing or as a punishment. If it were used in our relationship as a punishment then I am afraid I would spend all my time misbehaving in order to earn my marks!

Secondly, I identify as a service/natural submissive. By this I mean that I have a very deep rooted need to please and serve. I will always try to follow any instruction given to me to the letter and if I fail, that in itself is punishment enough for me. For him to tell me he is disappointed with me or feels I have let him down is crushing to me. For me to know this is unbearable and trust me, I will punish myself plenty for it.

Finally, I have a problem with a dynamic where he feels entitled to punish me physically. This may well be linked to my views about using corporal punishment on children, which I am 100% opposed to. I think if a child, (or a submissive for that matter), requires correction for bad behaviour, there are far more effective and fairer methods of achieving this than using a hand/cane/belt. I think, for me personally, the idea that my husband has the right to physically punish me sits too closely to domestic violence. (I know BDSM is not the same as DV, ok? I know this, but I cannot accept that anyone has the right to use any form of violence to punish another person for their behaviour – I know plenty of you will vehemently disagree with me! That is fine too.)

Add to this my personal belief that a D/s relationship is grounded in equality and respect, and that the D can make mistakes or engage in less than perfect behaviour just as easily as his submissive can, and I cannot accept the concept of punishment.

Our relationship is grounded in good communication. If he thinks I have fucked up he tells me. If I think he could improve his behaviour, I tell him.

For us, spanking, pinching, slapping, cropping, paddling… whatever… is a pleasurable form of release for me, as well as being a powerful representation and demonstration of my submissive status, and for him it is a potent and effective way for him to exert his dominance and control.

I am sure many people reading this will have completely opposite views on this topic, but that is one thing that, for me, makes BDSM/kink so wonderful. There is room for everyone!



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8 thoughts on “F4TF #3… Punishment or Pleasure?

  1. All very good points and very reasonably argued as to how the D/s dynamic in your relationship works.

    Absolutely agree that there is no one right way. Relationships are as individual and personal as are the people within them. What works for one couple may not work for another. It’s what makes the whole human attitudes towards sex/relationships so fascinating.


    Liked by 2 people

  2. I love your insight and the way you rephrased the question so it was more accurate. (My first thought when reading this was that the question didn’t apply to all dynamics!)

    I both agree and disagree with you about physical discipline. Kinda. I am quite emotionally submissive, so failure in and of itself is plenty of punishment. So much so that thus far, my SO hasn’t had to use any corrective means on me at all beyond gentle reminders. (Well, except once. I had to write about what patience meant and how it would benefit me because I jumped ahead while he was talking. I don’t have any patience at all.)
    I immediately feel abashed and almost ashamed that I did something wrong, even without him saying he is disappointed.


    I do feel that there are times when a punishment spanking may be warranted (in my relationship). (Other forms of physical discipline are too harsh for me to stomach; I am a bit of a pansy.) For instance, I am quite stubborn. If I get in a mood where I am being petulant and snarky, gentle reminders won’t work anymore. I cannot say that I actually will need a punishment spanking, but it is possible. (Lines are more in keeping with my SO’s preferred punishment method though; he hates the idea of causing pain.) But, sometimes the physical jolt is necessary (for those of us who do include a corporal discipline aspect in our relationships). Also, I feel that there is a difference between funishment spanking and punishment spanking.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for your reply. It’s so true that we are all different and our relationships are as unique as we are. The key is finding someone who matches us right?
      I am similar to you in that I am an impatient little thing too!
      I agree about Funishment spankings… In fact I meant to include that term in my post!
      I really appreciate your input on this. Thanks ama!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I admittedly didn’t read the first bit of the question so I didn’t take issue with it. But, yeah, I’m an opposite. Punishment is a fundamental part of my M/s dynamics. I even wrote a post about how disappointment isn’t the ultimate punishment for me. Lol. Perhaps it’s the fact that I do M/s rather than D/s or the fact that I’ve never had an egalitarian relationship, but I’ve never had any hang up about being punished by my partner, despite never being punished as a kid. I blame historical romance novels.

    Liked by 1 person

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