This week’s F4FT conundrum is…
In a monogamous relationship what constitutes cheating?
Is sexting cheating? A stolen kiss at a party? What about enjoying sexual fantasies about a co-worker or your spouse’s friend?
Where is the line?
Well… this is a thorny one!
Obviously sleeping with someone who is not your partner is cheating, that’s a given. But what about sexting? A kiss? Fantasy?
I think the old adage that if you feel the need to hide what you are doing then chances are you are doing so because you know it is wrong…
So, if you have messages or pictures in your DM or inbox that you would not want your partner to find, or if you have a second phone or secret social media account that your partner knows nothing of, perhaps you need to ask yourself why. If you are happy to tell your partner that you received sexy pictures or that you flirt with people via social media or text, then its out in the open, you can discuss it and decide if it is a threat to the relationship. The OH knows I am a tremendous flirt and I have his permission to be myself online… within limits obviously!
As for a stolen kiss… I think if that’s all it was, a momentary lapse in judgement or control, then it isn’t cheating. If more happened, or if it developed into more, then yes, you have entered cheating territory. Whether or not to tell is another issue. If it really was nothing, perhaps a drunken fumble, then being honest could potentially do more harm than good. It’s a matter of weighing up why you would tell: is it because it would just ease your conscience or is it because you feel there are deeper issues that need to be discussed between you and your partner?
As for fantasising about friends or colleagues… I think if we called this cheating it would be a sad day for us all. As with flirting, a little fantasy is harmless fun and, in my opinion, completely natural. Just because I am married does not mean I don’t notice attractive people. I frequently have sexy dreams about all sorts of people I know… albeit some more welcome than others, we can’t help what we dream of!
A little day dream fantasy about someone is fine in my book. It really only becomes an issue if it is a constant thing, if all you can think about is that person. If that is the case I think you need to see it as a warning that maybe you are developing feelings for your crush.
I am sure many of you will have very different thoughts on this issue. I think the most important thing is to be with someone who shares your feelings about monogamy and when you cross that line onto infidelity.
Each to their own. Be happy people!
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