The OH and I needed to buy dog food for Poppy, (AKA The Destroyer), so we went to the big discount pet store nearby.
Picture a warehouse full of pet supplies; cold, concrete floor, very basic…
We wander about, checking out new toys and nibbles for the dogs. He is carrying an enormous bag of kibble and is absorbed in picking out tasty treats for the pooches. I see a row of collars and leads and have a rummage around. There is a rather lovely leather collar, black with a flared tip and a cute buckle, which gives me an idea…
Glancing over and seeing that he hasn’t spotted me, I quickly wrap the collar around my neck to see if it fits. It does! So what do I do? Yep… buckle the collar.
“Psst! Psst!” I loudly whisper across to him, conscious that the store assistant is just at the other side of the aisle and could come around and see me wearing a collar designed for a terrier at any moment. He looks over and sees me, a wide grin spreading over his face as he shakes his head in an, “Oh my god, what is she like?” sort of way.
He comes over and inspects my collared throat, says, “I love it! Buy it!” I try to unbuckle it… it refuses to budge. He laughs, thinking I’m playing until he sees the impending panic on my face and realises that I’m not faking. My anxiety makes me breathe faster which doesn’t help my struggle. He bursts out laughing, not in a cruel way, but simply tickled by my natural eejitry. He tries to help and finds the leather is inflexible, his fingers are too big and we stop and look into each other’s eyes thinking, “Fuck! She’s/I’m stuck!” Starting to get mildly hysterical, stifling my giggles, I mouth, “Get me out of this!” and he tries again… eventually freeing me. We collapse laughing, holding each other for support and throw the collar back on the rack… that is NOT coming home with me!
I ask him to take a quick photo of the offending strip of leather so I can share my near miss with you guys.
(We went to a toy store next, in search of a gift for my Godson, and he once again had to observe his Little Girl get very over excited at the display of outdoor toys. I pouted as I asked for my own swing set, he cuddled me close, kissed my forehead and said he’d build me one… I’m still waiting.)
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