Any writer of erotica knows the constant struggle to avoid cliché whilst describing the sex act. It’s all too easy to find oneself using cringe worthy terms such as “waves crashing over me”, to portray the orgasm.
EL James stands out in a category all of her own when it comes to God-awful descriptions…
I just gotta share some of them with you, if you are drinking a coffee or tea put it down now before you spit it out laughing.
- “He smiles… leaving me a quivering mass of raging female hormones.”
- “My very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba.”
- “He’s my very own Christian Grey flavor Popsicle.” “Hmm… he’s soft and hard at once, like steel encased in velvet, and surprisingly tasty…”
- “I’m losing all sense of self, every atom of my being concentrating hard on that small, potent powerhouse at the apex of my thighs.”
- “His pointer finger circled my puckered love cave. ‘Are you ready for this?’ he mewled, smirking at me like a mother hamster about to eat her three-legged young.”
- “INSIDE ME” I gasp, and all the muscles in my belly clench. My inner goddess is doing the dance of seven veils”
- “His lips are parted – he’s waiting, coiled to strike. Desire – acute, liquid and smoldering, combusts deep in my belly.”
- “My insides practically contort with potent, needy, liquid desire.”
The fact that this woman got published and had her work made into a film, starring my very own Love God Jamie Dornan, in no way makes me despair. Nope! That’s not steam you see hissing from my ears. 😤😡😤
Avoiding cliché is not our only problem as erotica writers, however. We must also be mindful of the words we chose to use for certain body parts. Not long ago, I was happily, (aka hornily), reading a piece of erotica until the dreaded words, “his swollen member” leapt off the screen.
That was it… Dry as a prune. Instantly.
Member?! Really!?! Of what? The ‘I-just-vommed-in-my-mouth’ club?
I was chatting to a fellow writer last week and we came to the conclusion that we desperately need a thesaurus of filth… A filthasaurus maybe?
So, with that in mind… I offer you what my depraved little brain has come up with so far. Please do add to it… This could be fun!
The male anatomy
I do like using the very plain and simple word, penis. It is short, (hopefully not IRL!), and to the point.
I often use the word testicles too, although balls is a great term too. I remain unsure about sac. It’s kinda…empty feeling?
I have used the words ridge, frenulum, (simply because I cannot think of any other word for that specific part of the penis), base, glans and tip during descriptions of BJs, (which, incidentally, are some of my very favourite scenes to write!).
At times, a stronger word is called for, such as cock, which is my favourite term to use. It’s sexy as fuck, in my opinion. “I swallowed his pulsating, hard cock…” yeah!
Then there is dick… Which I find a bit soft, (pardon the pun).
Shaft will work in a pinch, although staff must never be used!
Erection is acceptable in my book, as is length or his thickness or girth.
Prick sounds small, as does willy, wiener and pecker.
Drill, tool and screwdriver are all things that belong in the shed, not in an erotic story. They can however, be allowed in the bedroom… for playtime!
Little Richard was suggested to me, which made me laugh out loud. Hmmmm, “his eyes, dark and hooded with desire as he took my hand and guided it slowly down to his hard… little Richard”. See? Aren’t you just shaking with desire now? No? Laughter then?
If you want a good giggle click http://www.quora.com/What-are-slang-terms-euphemisms-for-a-penis.
The female anatomy
Again, I have no issue using the anatomical terms vagina, vulva, labia and clitoris. They all sound perfectly acceptable to me, even in a sexy context.
It’s a good idea to shorten the word clitoris to clit for a little extra punch.
Pussy is fine… If a bit on the cutesy side for hard erotica.
Cunt of course is the female equivalent to cock… A gloriously filthy, hard, little word that never fails to work. And so very satisfying to say!
I find entrance and opening to be very useful terms when describing penetration of any kind.
Hole… this word has a great dehumanizing quality to it that makes it appropriate for a story where humiliation, objectification and demeaning are central themes.
Lips, folds, crevice, slit are all good words to describe the female genitalia but snatch, slash, flange and minge leave me cold, not hot.
Nub is a good word when clit has been used already, to avoid repetition.
A buddy of mine calls it the taco, which I find hilarious. In terms of food analogy, I favour clam, personally.
Then there are the other female body parts… breasts. I don’t think I have ever used any other words for them.
I dislike the word tits immensely. Boobs is too comical for erotica. Every other slang word I can think of for breasts are distinctly unsexy… funbags, hooters, ta-tas, jugs… all nasty.
Nipple; I cannot think of any other word I would use here. Areola I guess, sometimes, if I am being über specific.
Check out the full list of alternatives to out lady parts at http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=vagina&defid=2278413
Let’s not forget the anatomy shared by both sexes…
Ass, asshole, arse, bottom, bum, butt, cheeks, behind; all perfectly acceptable in my opinion, but I would shy away from ever being as anatomically correct as anus. I simply do not think there is a way to make that word ever sexy.
The OH suggested the glorious phrase, “up the shitter”, which I, respectfully, opted to never use…
Then there are the various phrases used for the orgasm itself…
I prefer to use the word coming over the spelling cumming, simply because, for me, cum = porn and I do see a difference between porn and erotica, (call me a snob if you like!)
We can describe them as eruptions, waves, explosions, floods.
Male ejaculate can be spunk, come /cum, load, semen, jizz, cream, seed, (creepy, in my opinion).
I would love to know what euphemisms you favour when writing erotica, so please do feel free to flood my box (!) with a multitude of filth and depravity!
Fun fact: I should share with you that I typed this on my iPad as I sat in the waiting room of the Doctor’s surgery, very carefully angling the screen away from the little old lady seated next to me. The things I do to keep you lot entertained!
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