My “Filthasaurus”

Any writer of erotica knows the constant struggle to avoid cliché whilst describing the sex act. It’s all too easy to find oneself using cringe worthy terms such as “waves crashing over me”, to portray the orgasm.

EL James stands out in a category all of her own when it comes to God-awful descriptions…

I just gotta share some of them with you, if you are drinking a coffee or tea put it down now before you spit it out laughing.

  • “He smiles… leaving me a quivering mass of raging female hormones.”
  • “My very small inner goddess sways in a gentle victorious samba.”
  • “He’s my very own Christian Grey flavor Popsicle.” “Hmm… he’s soft and hard at once, like steel encased in velvet, and surprisingly tasty…”
  • “I’m losing all sense of self, every atom of my being concentrating hard on that small, potent powerhouse at the apex of my thighs.”
  • “His pointer finger circled my puckered love cave. ‘Are you ready for this?’ he mewled, smirking at me like a mother hamster about to eat her three-legged young.”
  • “INSIDE ME” I gasp, and all the muscles in my belly clench. My inner goddess is doing the dance of seven veils”
  • “His lips are parted – he’s waiting, coiled to strike. Desire – acute, liquid and smoldering, combusts deep in my belly.”
  • “My insides practically contort with potent, needy, liquid desire.”

Jesus!

The fact that this woman got published and had her work made into a film, starring my very own Love God Jamie Dornan, in no way makes me despair. Nope! That’s not steam you see hissing from my ears. 😤😡😤

Avoiding cliché is not our only problem as erotica writers, however. We must also be mindful of the words we chose to use for certain body parts. Not long ago, I was happily, (aka hornily), reading a piece of erotica until the dreaded words, “his swollen member” leapt off the screen.

That was it… Dry as a prune. Instantly.

Member?! Really!?! Of what? The ‘I-just-vommed-in-my-mouth’ club?

I was chatting to a fellow writer last week and we came to the conclusion that we desperately need a thesaurus of filth… A filthasaurus maybe?

So, with that in mind… I offer you what my depraved little brain has come up with so far. Please do add to it… This could be fun!

The male anatomy

I do like using the very plain and simple word, penis. It is short, (hopefully not IRL!), and to the point.

I often use the word testicles too, although balls is a great term too. I remain unsure about sac. It’s kinda…empty feeling?

I have used the words ridge, frenulum, (simply because I cannot think of any other word for that specific part of the penis), base, glans and tip during descriptions of BJs, (which, incidentally, are some of my very favourite scenes to write!).

At times, a stronger word is called for, such as cock, which is my favourite term to use. It’s sexy as fuck, in my opinion. “I swallowed his pulsating, hard cock…” yeah!

Then there is dick… Which I find a bit soft, (pardon the pun).

Shaft will work in a pinch, although staff must never be used!

Erection is acceptable in my book, as is length or his thickness or girth.

Prick sounds small, as does willy, wiener and pecker.

Drill, tool and screwdriver are all things that belong in the shed, not in an erotic story. They can however, be allowed in the bedroom… for playtime!

Beef? Nope!

Little Richard was suggested to me, which made me laugh out loud. Hmmmm, “his eyes, dark and hooded with desire as he took my hand and guided it slowly down to his hard… little Richard”. See? Aren’t you just shaking with desire now? No? Laughter then?

If you want a good giggle click http://www.quora.com/What-are-slang-terms-euphemisms-for-a-penis.

 

The female anatomy

Again, I have no issue using the anatomical terms vagina, vulva, labia and clitoris. They all sound perfectly acceptable to me, even in a sexy context.

It’s a good idea to shorten the word clitoris to clit for a little extra punch.

Pussy is fine… If a bit on the cutesy side for hard erotica.

Cunt of course is the female equivalent to cock… A gloriously filthy, hard, little word that never fails to work. And so very satisfying to say!

I find entrance and opening to be very useful terms when describing penetration of any kind.

Hole… this word has a great dehumanizing quality to it that makes it appropriate for a story where humiliation, objectification and demeaning are central themes.

Lips, folds, crevice, slit are all good words to describe the female genitalia but snatch, slash, flange and minge leave me cold, not hot.

Nub is a good word when clit has been used already, to avoid repetition.

A buddy of mine calls it the taco, which I find hilarious. In terms of food analogy, I favour clam, personally.

Then there are the other female body parts… breasts. I don’t think I have ever used any other words for them.

I dislike the word tits immensely. Boobs is too comical for erotica. Every other slang word I can think of for breasts are distinctly unsexy… funbags, hooters, ta-tas, jugs… all nasty.

Nipple; I cannot think of any other word I would use here. Areola I guess, sometimes, if I am being über specific.

Check out the full list of alternatives to out lady parts at http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=vagina&defid=2278413

Let’s not forget the anatomy shared by both sexes…

Ass, asshole, arse, bottom, bum, butt, cheeks, behind; all perfectly acceptable in my opinion, but I would shy away from ever being as anatomically correct as anus. I simply do not think there is a way to make that word ever sexy.

The OH suggested the glorious phrase, “up the shitter”, which I, respectfully, opted to never use…

Then there are the various phrases used for the orgasm itself…

I prefer to use the word coming over the spelling cumming, simply because, for me, cum = porn and I do see a difference between porn and erotica, (call me a snob if you like!)

We can describe them as eruptions, waves, explosions, floods.

Male ejaculate can be spunk, come /cum, load, semen, jizz, cream, seed, (creepy, in my opinion).

I would love to know what euphemisms you favour when writing erotica, so please do feel free to flood my box (!) with a multitude of filth and depravity!

Fun fact: I should share with you that I typed this on my iPad as I sat in the waiting room of the Doctor’s surgery, very carefully angling the screen away from the little old lady seated next to me. The things I do to keep you lot entertained!

Copyright, 2015, illicitthoughts.wordpress.com

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51 thoughts on “My “Filthasaurus”

  1. Ha ha! I love this. And yes a filthasaurus would be good. 🙂
    I use cock during sex, dick if not, erection, length, shaft, head, ridge, tip, “that sensitive little spot on the underside” because I’m not sure it’s called a frenulum in a circ’d male…(lol). I pretty much always use balls or sac.
    I use breasts almost exclusively unless a character says boobs(but not usually during actual sex) or tits. I’ve had one character whom the guy nicknamed “sugar tits” so he used that word.
    I use clit, pussy, slit, folds, between my thighs/legs. It depends on the character really. I’ve never used cunt, I’m not a big fan of the word. Here I think it’s a much stronger word than there.
    For ass, I’ve used ass, butt, bottom, rear entrance in the few instances I’ve talked about the actual asshole. (hmm, I need to write more ass play, lol)

    Now, let’s talk about how to describe an orgasm… 😛

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, it is! I’ve seen words which, while I wouldn’t use them myself, they don’t turn me off or take me out of the moment. Member is like that for me. So is cunt, sex (when it’s describing the female anatomy, so like-vulva), nub. Then there are other words where I just don’t like them and they take me out of the moment a bit. But, if it’s a good story, I can get right back into it. 🙂
        Orgasms are hard to describe. Seems it’s either waves or falling over something high, you know? Both of them are fine with me, they don’t bother me when I read them but I’d like to try to find a way to describe it differently. Sometimes I just gloss over it, lol. Describe the physicality of it- tightening thighs, grasping hands, open mouth, etc.

        Just thought of another one(this is your fault! LOL)- describing semen and words for it and how it comes out, lol. Come, spunk, load…and does it come spurting, shooting, in jets, in ribbons…is it sticky and white, is it salty and thick? LOL.

        Okay I’ll stop now… 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Love this post! I hate the word “tits.” Blow job scenes are my favorite to write also!
    Orgasms are hard to write. I feel like I write “cunning” way too much but can never think of another term that doesn’t sound clinical or cliche.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Out with Roget’s, in with Kat’s Filthasaurus. That works for me. Crowd sourced by the blogosphere ‘ most talented erotica writers. It will be my trusted advisor going forward. …Thanks for staying this.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sorry I’m late to the party. This was hilarious! Love it and will probably use it hehehe. I do have to say that I use cum for orgasm mainly because when I see come, I think come where? Like people are going somewhere…it just weirds me out lol. I hope my use of cum doesn’t offend you 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Reblogged this on Wet Bliss and commented:
    This is great, and everyone needs one from time to time! I must confess I’m guilty of referring to his (growing or stiff) “member” on occasion, lol. Enjoy!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I have always hated the word penis…its takes me right out of the mood if ever used in context to something erotic…..too clinical… and the word itself the way it rolls off the page in dialogue feels diminutive to the subject in connotation when heard in my mind.

    Vagina never worked for me either for the same reason….The texture of that word always felt more manly than feminine ….again just a feeling in my mind regarding those two words…

    Cock and pussy go together nicely not Penis and Vagina…well technically they all go together…:)

    Liked by 2 people

  7. JunkChuck’s “Warhammer” made me laugh out loud.
    Since you brought it up though – How do you feel about “quim” for a pussy or a cunt. I’ve seen it used and because I didn’t grow up with it AND it’s a softly said word, I liked it. I don’t know if it’s derogatory.
    Cunt was always used as an extremely derogatory word to represent the worst bitch of a woman…but the use of it here in well written scenes has removed the negative feeling of it for me.
    Don’t laugh but in the context of writing something, I felt that “weapon” was appropriate to use for “penis”. I’m laughing at myself but I still like it. Now it reminds me of “Warhammer”.
    Wistful Sinner once wrote a scene of a woman riding a man and with other supportive words, he described her orgasm using “RADIAL BLAST”. That was the best descriptive I’ve ever loved because it’s SO accurate. I miss his writing terribly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Quim, for me anyway, is a bit comical! Cunt is a BAD word here too but I love it! I think a woman using it is kind of empowering… You know? There’s a meme out there that says “I’d call you a cunt, but you lack both depth and warmth”, it cracks me up! Used that way a cunt is a lovely thing!

      Like

      1. I LOVE that usage too! I also think that we instinctually determine the names we answer to. I liked Betty Whitte’s comeback about a pussyt can take a pounding… I’ll look it up to be correct for Betty White’s sake…found it:
        “Why do people say “grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.”
        ― Betty White
        lolololol

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh YES she does! I just followed you after I read your Shatner post – great post and I loved his Raw Nerve show. That Shatner is a great man. I hurried to get to the end because I started to wonder if he died last night! haha No, you just wrote a great tribute!

        Liked by 1 person

  8. As a writer of erotica, I’ve sat and looked at the screen for hours trying not to write down all the cliches that almost immediately come to mind. One of the editors I worked with during my first publishing “chided” me that there are only so many ways to put A into B and even less ways to describe them; she exhorted me to be more colorful and descriptive but to avoid cliches.

    And it’s still hard to do without my writing looking like a clinical dissertation or that 1970’s erotica that has more cliches than Campbell’s has soup! So, yeah, to avoid the cliches as much as possible, I will toss in the clinical terms but my favorite self-created euphemism for orgasm is being “taken to the edge of the abyss and shoved over the side.”

    Go figure, huh?

    Liked by 1 person

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